Learn to Love Again
by MyAngelMariska
Summary: The story of Amanda and Nick's relationship. Rollaro pairing. NO FLAMES ON THE SHIP PLEASE. Rated for content and language.


**Okay, this story is Rollaro. If you don't like Rollaro and only plan to flame this story because of the pairing stop reading now, because I won't have it. Be an adult and don't read something if you don't like it, don't go off and be a jerk or throw a hissy fit in my reviews because you don't like this ship. But, to those of you who legitimately want to read this story, enjoy!**

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><p><em>Amanda sat at the table, stunned, the wonderful meal her boyfriend cooked for her in front of her. "Undercover? How long?" she asked, fighting her tears, her heart breaking. <em>

_Joe shook his head and took her hand. "I don't know. Could be months, it could be years."_

_Amanda nodded, biting the inside of her lower lip. "God, I'm gonna miss you. I never thought I would love anyone as much as I love you, I've never imagined myself as someone who could be loved, maybe I'm just meant to be alone," she whispered, looking down at her plate._

"_Amanda, baby, don't say that."_

"_Joe, I've never been loved until you, and you're leaving. I know you don't want to, but this is how things work with me. No one ever stays. I'm used to it."_

_He stood up and moved closer to her. "I'm not going to ask you to wait for me. You deserve to be happy, but know that I'm coming back, and if you're single wonderful, if not then that's wonderful too, as long as you're happy. This isn't goodbye. I promise." He caressed her face._

_Amanda closed her eyes and nuzzled into his hand. "Just promise me you'll be safe," she whispered, looking into his eyes. His lips met hers in a sweet passionate kiss. _

_He broke the kiss and stood up. "Baby, I need to go home tonight, I won't be able to call you for a while, until I know you'll be safe, but I promise you I'll never forget you."_

_Amanda stood up and she nodded, refusing to let her tears fall. "I love you Joe, I always will," she smiled and placed a chaste kiss on his lips and walked him out. Once the door was closed she cleaned up from dinner and sat on the couch, cuddling up with Frannie and crying. The only man who ever loved her, the only man she ever loved so deeply was gone._

That was a week ago, and Amanda had been distracted all week, sitting at her desk, staring at her computer screen. Olivia noticed this and she walked up beside her. "Hey, you alright?"

She jumped a little and she nodded. "Uh, yeah just, um… a lot on my mind is all," she said gently, offering him a weak smile that didn't reach her eyes.

It was the end of the day and she wasn't believing that was all that was going on. "You sure you're alright?"

"Liv, please, just drop it," she pleaded, getting more and more agitated.

Olivia sat at the chair next to her desk. "Amanda, I just want to make sure you're alright," she said, genuinely concerned for the young detective.

Amanda got up and grabbed her coat. "I asked you to drop it. I don't want to talk, I don't need to talk. I just… Just leave me alone!" she yelled, storming out of the precinct, the entire squad staring at her.

Nick got up and grabbed his coat. "Shouldn't someone go after her?" He ran out after her, catching her on the curb. "Rollins!"

She spun around and looked at him, her voice raising. "What!?"

"What is going on? You're spacing out, yelling at everyone. You in trouble?

Amanda shook her head and scoffed. "I really, really don't need to talk about this right now, especially not with you," she spat.

Nick let out a breath. "Come on, let's go to the bar down the street, have a drink or two, take the edge off." He saw her looking at him and he motioned for her to come with him. "Come on."

Amanda rolled her eyes. "You're buying," she grumbled and walked with him to the bar, a scowl on her face.

They were seated at a table and looked over the drink menu when the hostess walked away. When the waitress came over for their order Amanda looked up at her. "I'll have a Jack and Coke please," she said, looking up at the red headed waitress, the prospect of having alcohol in her system calming her down considerably.

Nick looked at the waitress, "Blue Moon and a shot of Jack."

Once the waitress left Amanda looked at Nick. "Thanks for this."

Nick smiled gently and nodded. "You want to talk about it?"

Amanda took a deep breath and shrugged. "It's nothing I'm not used to. My boyfriend left last night."

"Boyfriend?"

"Joe Dumas, Brooklyn Narcotics."

Nick nodded. "What happened?"

"He got sent undercover, for an undetermined period of time," she smiled sadly.

"Amanda, I'm sorry."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Like I said, I'm used to it. I just wish it happened before I realized I loved him, and that he loved me." Their drinks arrived and they finished them quickly. "So, what about you, you seem to have been a little distracted yourself." If they were going to do this, she wasn't going to be the only one airing her dirty laundry.

Nick took a deep breath. "It's Maria… One day, she wants the divorce, the next day she wants me back. It's not fair to Zara." He shook his head.

"Or you." Amanda observed.

"What?"

"Well, yeah, it's not fair to Zara, but it isn't fair to you either. She needs to make up her mind, you deserve to be happy. How are you going to be happy if you don't know if you're married or not?"

Nick smiled and took a swig of his beet. "You're right."

Amanda smirked. "I do know what I'm talking about some of the time, believe it or not."

They chuckled and sat and talked for a little longer, finishing their first drink and ordering a second. Nick looked at the time. "It's getting late."

Amanda looked at her watch. "Wow, time flies, right?"

They quickly finished their second drinks and Nick looked up at her. "Let me walk you home."

"I can get home."

"I know you can, but I want to. Just make sure you're okay, you're safe."

Amanda smiled and blushed slightly. "Okay."

They slid out of the booth and they walked back to her apartment together. She got to her door and she rested against the wall, a smile on her face. "I really had a good time Nick. I needed it tonight. Thank you." She put her key in the door and opened it. Before she could step in he put his hand on her arm. She turned to look at him and gasped when his lips met hers. She stiffened at first but quickly relaxed into his kiss, moving her hand to cradle his face as his tongue found it's way into her mouth. She let out a gentle moan before she pulled away, her eyes slowly opening.

He caressed her face. "You, Amanda Rollins, are a beautiful, smart, funny, incredible woman. Any man would be lucky to have you, and any man who leaves you is stupid."

Amanda bit her bottom lip, looking at his feet then back into his eyes. "You mean that?"

Nick smiled. "Yeah, I do."

Amanda placed a quick kiss on his lips, a smile on her face. She pulled away. "Night cap?" she asked softly.

Nick opened her door, holding it open for her. She stepped in and he followed her. He closed the door and looked around, immediately being greeted by Frannie. "Hey girl." He got kisses from Frannie as Amanda looked on. "What?"

Amanda moved closer to him and helped him up. "Getting kisses from both of us, hmm?" she asked and wrapped her arms around him. "Kissing you feels nice, Nick."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Should I do it again?"

Amanda chuckled and nodded. "Yes, you definitely should."

Nick caressed her face and kissed her slowly, softly, but with a passion that she wasn't sure she'd ever felt. He felt her arms wrap around him and his arms snaked around her waist. Amanda couldn't help but smile into the kiss as she pressed her body closer to his. She gently nipped at his bottom lip before she pulled away, looking into his eyes, a smile gracing her lips. "That was amazing," he said softly.

Amanda smiled. "Mm, your kiss…" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It… it does something to me, I don't know what but… It feels amazing."

Nick smiled. "Should we continue?"

Amanda smirked. "I should warn you, kisses, especially kisses like yours, get me hot. If you want to continue, we should probably take this into the bedroom," she whispered to him.

"You're already hot," he murmured.

"Trying to get into my pants, Amaro?"

He chuckled and gently bit on her neck, hearing her gasp and moan. "Maybe."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," she groaned in response.

Nick chuckled. "I could tell you how sexy you are all night long, I could tell you what you do to me, but something tells me that's not what you want."

Amanda looked at him, her eyes darkened to the shade of a sapphire. "I want you, Nicky," she whispered, her hands running over his chest, looking up into his eyes. Her hand travelled further down his torso, grabbing his already hard dick through his pants as her lips and teeth went to work on his neck.

Nick let out a groan and pulled her closer, gripping her ass. "Mand," he whispered in her ear.

She groaned and smirked, licking over the spot on his neck she just sucked and bit, a hickey forming, soothing. She gently blew on it and looked up at him, taking his hand and walked with him to the bedroom, kicking the door shut with her foot.

Nick grinned and ran his hands up her back, under her blouse. He heard her shaky breath and he started to kiss her neck. He felt her hands grip his hair and he let out a groan, feeling her hips start to grind into his. "Easy, baby. We have all night," he whispered in her ear.

Amanda let out a groan and then started to unbutton his dress shirt, pushing it off his shoulders, gasping as his bare torso came into view, swallowing hard. Her fingers lightly running over his chest and abs. "Nicky," she whispered.

"See something you like, detective?" he asked with a cheeky grin. She looked up at Nick and she felt something rise in her, tears pricked her eyes. He caressed her face. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? Talk to me."

She shook her head and smiled, sniffling back her tears. "I'm sorry, I'm fine. I promise," she whispered and kissed him softly. She broke the kiss and took her blouse off over her head. "Just… let's not do this rough tonight, hmm?"

Nick caressed her face again, wiping away a stray tear. He kissed her softly, his hands trailing down her back and around her front, unbuttoning her slacks and pushing them over her hips, she stepped out of them, leaving her in her black lace bra and panties. He looked her over and smiled. "You're so beautiful."

Amanda blushed and looked from his eyes to his waist, unbuttoning his slacks and pushing them over his hips. He stepped out of them and rested his hands on her hips, gently running his thumbs over the skin. She smiled and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge. She smiled up at him and put her hand out, pulling him closer when he took her hand. She looked up at him and pushed his boxers off his hips. She smiled at him, taking him in her hand, stroking him gently, slowly. She placed a kiss on the tip of his dick and he put his hand on the side of her face, stopping her.

"Lay back," he whispered.

"I –" Nick cut her off, pressing two of his fingers over her lips.

"Lay back, tonight's about you," he whispered.

Amanda smiled and moved back on the bed, lying down. Nick climbed on top of her and kissed her lips. She smiled and kissed him back, her hands running down his back, pulling him closer.

Nick pulled back from her lips and kissed her neck, his hand slipping under her back, unhooking her bra, slipping it off of her, kissing down her chest, kissing her breasts, gently sucking on her nipples. Amanda moaned and arched her back. He grinned as he looked up at her, continuing to kiss down her torso, kissing just above the waist band of her panties.

Amanda's breath started to get heavy with anticipation. She wanted this, she wanted to feel again. She lifted her hips when he slowly slid her panties over her hips and down her legs. He kissed up her legs, gently nipping at her inner thighs, before using his thumb to rub her clit. Her breath hitched and she pushed her head back into the pillow.

Nick smirked and moved his thumb and took her clit between his lips, sucking gently, as he pushed two of his fingers inside of her. Amanda gasped and moaned, gripping his hair. Nick moaned and looked up at her, her head thrown back, her eyes closed as he brought her closer and closer to the edge.

"Nick!" Amanda called out, feeling herself getting close. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was because she'd been craving a release, or maybe it was because Nick was so skilled with his fingers and his mouth, either way she wasn't going to last long.

Nick brought her to the edge, but before she could fall over that edge, before she got the release she so desperately craved, he pulled his fingers out and stopped his ministrations with his mouth. He got on top of her and quickly thrust inside her. Her eyes shot open and her back arched off the bed, a loud moan escaping her lips. Nick started to thrust into her, slowly, powerfully. She groaned and pulled him into a kiss, their hips moving together.

Amanda wrapped her legs around his waist and scratched at his back, pulling back from the kiss to catch her breath. "Oh, God, Nick!" Her hips met his every thrust.

Nick smirked and kept his pace. He looked down at her, their eyes meeting, holding eye contact with one another, making this moment much more intense as her body clenched, and her orgasm washed over her, and he released inside of her, moaning as he came.

Amanda fell back onto the bed, and Nick rolled off of her, so they could catch their breath. Amanda rolled on her side, curling into him, their breath still heavy. She moaned softly. "Mm, Nicky," she whispered. "That was… Mm."

Nick wrapped an arm around her, kissing the top of her head. "You're so beautiful, Amanda."

Amanda nuzzled into him, hiding her face from him as her blush reached her cheeks. "Thank you," she whispered. After a minute she looked up at him. "Thank you for… everything."

Nick looked down at her. "You don't have to thank me Amanda," he whispered, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

Amanda let out a breath. "So, what does this mean… you and me?"

Nick shook his head. "I don't know, Mand. I just know that what happened tonight… I loved every minute of it."

Amanda smiled. "Me too. So… why don't we just… have fun for now? If something comes of it, great. If not then—" she shrugged. "At least we're having fun, right?"

Nick smiled. "That sounds good to me." He looked down at her. "We should try to get some sleep."

Amanda nodded. "Yeah," she said softly.

"Roll on your stomach; I'll rub your back until you fall asleep."

Amanda smiled and rolled onto her stomach, resting her hands under her pillow. Nick rolled on his side and rubbed her back soothingly. She let out a small contented sigh.

"What?"

"My Mimi used to do this for me, to put me to sleep. She'd read me a story and then rub my back," she said softly, looking over at him.

Nick looked at her. "Your Mimi?"

Amanda rolled her eyes and chuckled. "My grandmother," she shook her head. "I couldn't say grandma when I was little, so I called her Mimi."

"You're precious."

Amanda smiled and reached her hand over to touch his face. "You're incredible, Nick. You know that?"

He kissed her palm. "Get some sleep."

"Mm." Amanda's eyes drifted shut, and within minutes her breathing evened out and she'd drifted off to sleep.

Nick smiled and kissed her temple, wrapping an arm around her. Within moments he fell asleep with her wrapped in his arms.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for reading, please review, here or on twitter, myangelMariska. And again, NO FLAMES PLEASE.**


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